[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:12] Speaker B: Welcome to the Comeback with Boomerang Healthcare, your podcast for relief, recovery and restoration. I'm Dr. Peter Abagi.
[00:00:22] Speaker C: And I'm Dr. Sarah Guzet. As doctors, we know healing isn't just about treatment. It's about having the right tools for mindset and support to move you forward.
[00:00:32] Speaker B: You can have pain, you might be injured or even hurting on the inside. With all that you got going on, you can still have a really great life. And that is what we are here for. This is a comeback. Let's get started.
Sarah, I am so excited for today's podcast. I can't even, I can't even say, but I'm, I'm wondering if you could, you could introduce our guest and we can, we can start rolling with what is going to be just a phenomenal discussion.
[00:01:03] Speaker C: Absolutely super excited to have her here with us today and thank you for being here, Amber Lee. We have Amberly Lago, who is a US Today best selling author of the Joy through the Journey, which highly recommend. She is an internationally renowned speaker on grit, resilience and human connection, inspiring others to find joy through life's challenges. Amber Lee's own story of resilience is equally remarkable. After a devastating motorcycle accident and 34 surgeries to save her leg, she has emerged stronger than ever. And we're so grateful to have her here with us today.
[00:01:41] Speaker A: Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to see y'. All.
[00:01:46] Speaker B: Amberly, I think there's a lot of people who, who follow you religiously know your story. Well, there's also probably a lot of new listeners with us who maybe are not as familiar with your story. Maybe you could just talk us through a little bit, you know, the, the motorcycle accident and the CRPs and, and what happened afterwards. And then we'll dive into a lot of cool talking points.
[00:02:12] Speaker A: Oh, thank you. Well, yeah, you know, I, I have to say a lot of people think that motorcycle accident and going through 34 surgeries is the hardest part of my journey. But that's easy compared to living with complex regional pain syndrome every single day. And so my life was completely different. I mean, we were just talking before we hit record that I didn't even own a computer. I mean, I spent my whole life being a professional dancer and then after that had a career in the fitness industry for 26 years. I had a big build this business. I employed several other trainers and everything changed in the blink of an eye.
I was coming home from work when I was hit by an suv and I. This was in la and I just remember sliding across the asphalt and thinking, please, God, don't let another car hit me. Because I couldn't even tell what I was sliding into. When I finally came to a stop, I looked down at my leg and it was just crumbled into pieces. There was blood everywhere.
I didn't know at the time, but my femoral artery was actually severed. And thankfully there was a guy who came over right away and ripped off his belt, made a tourniquet around my leg, and he really saved my life. When I was rushed to the hospital, well, in the ambulance, I remember just squeezing the paramedic's leg because I was in so much pain and just wanting him to look at me. I wanted to make eye contact and he wouldn't look at me. And I remember thinking, why won't he look at me? Like, I just wanted him to look at me like, yeah, you, we've seen this before. You're going to be fine. When he didn't look at me, I thought, oh, my goodness, does this mean I'm dying? And then I was in so much pain. I kind of wish I would die. It was the worst excruciating pain I had ever experienced. And I get to the ER and it's just chaotic in there. And I hear this crying like I've never heard before. And I'm thinking, what is that? Who is that? What's going on? Everything was so like. I remember every moment. I know some people get hit by a car or go through an accident and they black out or pass out or lose consciousness. It was like everything was, like, hyper focused. And I realized this was my husband who he's a first. He was a first responder. He was a lieutenant commander with a highway patrol, and he had seen accidents all the time. I had never seen him cry. And he was hysterical. And in that moment, I yelled across the er, I said, honey, I need you to get over here and be strong for me. Because I needed to know that if I were dying that he was going to hold it together for our two kids. And that's the last thing I remember before this nurse, her name's Shaniqua. She's beautiful. She leaned over me and she said, we're going to give you something to make you feel all better now.
And that was the first time I had, like, a sense of, okay, I'm going to be okay. And they put me in induced coma.
And when I woke up, I learned I had a 1% chance of saving my leg. The first thing they told me Was, we are so sorry.
Your leg is like a war wound. There's nothing we can do for you. You've got a 1% chance of saving it.
And all I thought was, okay, well, you're saying there's a chance. And I focused on that 1%.
And that is what got me through surgery after surgery, after surgery. I just focused on the good, focused on the hope, my faith. And little by little, it took a lot of grit. By the grace of God, they saved my leg with 34 surgeries in total. And I really thought the worst was over.
And I remember being released from the hospital and this doctor saying, well, you'll never run it. I was so excited to get out and get back to training clients. And he said, well, you'll never work again, and you'll probably never run again, for sure. And you'll never wear shorts again with scars like that. And that was one of my biggest motivating moments. When somebody tells me I can't do something, I don't know why, call me crazy, but I'm like, oh, really? Watch me. I am going to prove that I'm going to walk again. Like, you don't know me. I'm going to work again.
And so I really was motivated to get better. I was going to physical therapy five days a week. I had somebody come into the house. And then after that, I was going to physical therapy, and I would drive myself to therapy with my right leg up on the dashboard and drive with my left foot. So I was motivated. And I remember going in for a checkup, being so excited, like, this doctor's gonna be so proud of me. And he took one look at me and said, you need to stop. You've got something very serious. And I was kind of like, well, yeah, I got hit by an suv. It was pretty serious. And he goes, no, you have a nerve disease. And I'm like, what?
He said, are you the kind of girl that likes to push through pain? And I was like, man, he can tell, like, I'm tough. Yes, sir, I do. And he said, well, you. You need to get back in your wheelchair.
And I said, okay, well, for how long?
And he said, forever. He goes, no, you don't understand. Your life's never going to be the same. You've got this incurable disease. You'll be permanently disabled. You'll probably have to wear orthopedic shoes.
And in that moment, all I heard was, I am not wearing orthopedic shoes.
I am not doing that. He's got me all wrong. And I think I cried all the way home. But I didn't get back in my wheelchair. Instead, I went straight to physical therapy. And Terry goes, amberly, what are you doing here? You don't have an appointment today. And I said, I know I don't, but if I want to have the life that I've always imagined, then I'm going to have to work harder than I've ever worked before.
And I had no idea how hard that was going to be.
All the lessons I've learned. Pain has been my biggest teacher.
And I've had people say, would you take it all back? I wouldn't wish this on anybody. I mean, I really don't recommend getting hit by an SUV. I really don't recommend having to deal with CRPs.
But I wouldn't take it back because it's led me to where I am. And I wouldn't have Dr. Abachi, I wouldn't have met you. You wouldn't be in my life. And I'm so grateful for you and I'm so grateful for the patience that you connected me with when I got to speak and at your place in the Bay Area. And pain has been, like I said, been my biggest teacher. And I continue to learn and grow.
But I am, you know, live with chronic pain every single day. I've tried every kind of treatment and I'm not going to give up on a cure.
But I also have learned that pain and joy can coexist. And you can choose to build upon the joy.
[00:09:23] Speaker B: We are going to dive into that deep. But first, for people listening who don't know what complex regional pain syndrome or CRPS is, how would you guys describe that?
[00:09:37] Speaker A: Well, it's baffling.
I am not sure what flares me up sometimes and what doesn't for me. It's like, for me, I think it's kind of like a computer that needs to be rebooted. Like, your nerves are on overdrive.
It's a constant loop of pain that's set off by it can. Everything is overly sensitive. To give you an example of like, a lot of people liked, mine's in my right leg and foot. A lot of people love to get pedicures. That's like luxury. That's self care. For me to get a pedicure is hell because, like, I just actually got one with my daughter. I went with her and I put my foot up on the little chair or whatever, and the lady goes, relax your foot. And I'm like, you don't understand. That is relaxed. Like, it's Stiff. I was like, yeah, my foot. There's. It's all metal inside there. And for her to barely touch my foot, it's like to grab the towel and kind of wipe my foot dry and feels like somebody has some sandpaper, and they may as well be rubbing my foot with sandpaper. To have anything. Like, they put the little things in between your toes. I'm like, it sets me through the roof. I'm like, I can't have that in between my toes.
I have to wear. I finally, after years of searching for a shoe, I can wear one kind of shoe. It's. It's a brand of boots. And there's something about the pitch that it is the way it's made that I can wear these boots, and I have to wear them all the time to work out. I'll have a beautiful dress. And my husband will say, well, what shoes are you going to wear with that? I'm like, boots.
Boots have become my thing. In fact, at the gym, because I work out in boots. Somebody came up to me the other day and said, you know, your nickname at the gym is boots. I'm like, whatever it takes to wear a shoe that I can walk in.
Um, some days it knocks me off my game. I.
The pain is so severe that I will actually throw up from pain.
Um, there.
I just spoke at the annual RSDSA conference, which is a nonprofit for people who've been diagnosed with complex regional pain syndrome. You can feel the heaviness in the room. It's speaking out to. I asked them when I started, I said, who here has been diagnosed with CRPS? And 90% of the room raised their hand. The other people were caregivers, so they live. It doesn't just affect the person that has. Has CRPs. It affects your entire family. But there were people in with wheelchairs, with walkers, with crutches, with blankets, with ice packs, with hot packs, and we're all different. And what helps me, I can share in hopes that will help someone else. But I had so many people come up to me after and say, wow, Amberly, I thought you were in remission. I had no idea that you still had this pain. And I don't let it define me. I don't like to talk about it all the time, or I feel like I spend half my time trying to explain what CRPS is, and the other half, almost in denial, pretending like, oh, that can't be me. I'm feeling pretty good today. Maybe I'm cured. Maybe I don't have it, but. But it will always rear its ugly head up and remind me, oh, yes, I'm here, I'm going to flare up, you know, and it's interesting because just talking about what it feels like, like for me flying on a plane, ooh, feels like my foot wants to explode. It feels like burning, aching.
Sometimes the hardest thing for me to do is stand in one place.
As long as I keep moving, I'm good. And believe it or not, the only time I usually don't feel any pain is when I'm on stage.
I don't know if it's God, I don't know if it's adrenaline, a combination of both, or I'm so completely focused on every attendee instead of me, but I feel no pain. And I think it's one of the reasons I probably love speaking all over the place, you know, because I have no pain.
But I just, I, I, I'm lucky that I can walk because there's a lot of people that can't wear a shoe or can't walk, so I don't take that for granted. And I have to shift my perspective with gratitude every day because every day I get up and I walk like I'm 110 years old when I first get up. And it takes me a while to get moving, but, but I have tools in my tool belt that I continue to learn, that I share with others in hopes that it will help them as well.
[00:14:41] Speaker C: It sounds like, you know, although you're living with this chronic pain, it doesn't define who you are. Right. You live with it, it doesn't. Right live with you. It doesn't have a permanent place, you know, in defining who you are and how you live. And I think that's amazing.
You know, Peter, I know that you've treated a lot of patients as I've seen some with, you know, cr, and it can be very challenging to treat. I of course see the psychological effects of it and how nerve wracking and anxious it can be, how it can impact your sleep and every component of your quality of life. And I'm wondering if you can talk to a little bit about that and how you've been managing it with, with your mood and your own mental health.
[00:15:24] Speaker A: Yeah, well, actually, I'm glad you brought that up because I believe so much of it starts with our mindset. And you know, I got in trouble. I was on the doctor's TV and I talked about mindset a little bit. Well, on that interview they cut out like half of the interview and then they titled it Girl cures pain with her minds, with mindset or something like that. Well, the CRPS community was livid, which I don't blame them. They didn't get the whole story. But I'm not in control of, you know, I'm sure that the doctors wanted as many clicks on that. How do you cure pain with mindset? Wow, that's amazing.
I don't cure. I have. I'm not cured. I'm still not in remission from CRPs, but I do believe it starts with our mindset around it. I was in denial for a long time. I did not want to admit to myself, nor to anyone else. And I think that when you can take a good, hard look at yourself and be honest for where you are, who you are, like, where you are on your journey and what diagnosis, like, you have to be your own advocate.
But I finally, after going to the third doctor, because when the first doctor diagnosed me with crps, back then it was called rsd, I was like, that's not me. I do not have that. That cannot be my life. So I went to another doctor. They said the same thing, and I was like, nope, not. The third doctor was like, you need to take, like, radical, radical action right now to try to get a grip on this. And so I did. I think the first part of any transformation starts with acceptance, like awareness for what's going on and acceptance, because then you can take action steps to move in the right direction. And so for me, I had to get my mindset right around it. And sometimes I think it really helps if you have somebody in your life who can sometimes help you with that. The person who really, really. I learned acceptance in a pretty radical way. And it was how I started to shift My mindset was Dr. Don Wiss, who saved my leg. 34 surgeries. Well, him and a couple of other doctors. I had a team of doctors, but he was my main orthopedic doctor who saved my leg. After a year of surgeries and saving my leg, I actually went in. I had this bright idea of, you know what? We just need to cut it off and I need to move on with my life. So I went to Dr. Wiss and I said, hey, doctor, I appreciate all that you've done for me, but we need to go ahead and just cut my leg off because it's given me too much pain. I can't deal with the pain. I've tried so many things. Ketamine infusions, spinal stimulator, Eastern, Western medicine. I mean, I was on 73 homeopathic pills and 11 prescription medications, and nothing was working. So I was like, let's just go to cut it off. And he's like, we can't do that.
And he did something that changed everything. He put my leg in his lap, and he looked at my leg like it was a masterpiece. And I thought, wow, if he can look at my leg that way, then maybe I can too. And I started to shift in the way that I thought about my leg.
Looked at my leg. Instead of looking down at it with disgust, I looked down at the scars as the victories I had won. How amazing the human body is at healing and how powerful the human spirit is. And so I started thinking about, what can I do? And gratitude is the best way and easiest, quickest way to shift your perspective. It allows you to focus on what you can do instead of what you can't do. It's really alchemy, really gets you focused on the good.
And when you focus on the good, you just keep getting more good in your life. And so, like, this morning, I woke up, and yesterday I spent hours. We put. We already put up our Christmas tree and Christmas decorations, and, man, we go all out. So I was on my feet up and down ladders. I was hurting. This morning when I got out of bed, I'm like, dang, I haven't limped like this in a long time.
I could have easily gone down that whole spiral down and see, Amberly, you can't even walk right. See, you're not good enough. Go back to bed. Who do you think you are? Like, I've learned to talk to myself instead of listen to myself, because I can listen to these limiting beliefs in this inner talk that's negative. Or I can talk to myself and say, I am so grateful that I can walk, that I can get out of bed, that I get to wake up to the Christmas lights lighting up the whole living room.
And when I start thinking about what I'm grateful for, it shifts my mindset. And I do it throughout the day also. Actually, the first thing I do before I get out of bed is I start to think about my day ahead. And I pray. And I used to just pray. Now I literally roll out of bed, roll out of bed and just drop straight down to my knees.
And because when I'm on my knees, it reminds me how small I am. And although my problems might seem big, that God is so much bigger in my life. And I think that mindset is key, I also think that I could not get through this without my faith. And Fully rely on. Fully relying on God. I mean, I, I have a thing with frogs to remind me to fully rely on God. And my daughter even made me this cute little ceramic frog. I realize that she said that a lot until she made me a frog. And now I'm even having people come up at conferences and give me frogs. Somebody just gave me this little frog. I love it. And so I do think that mindset is key. And I think that surrounding yourself with the right people, it. That is also key. Because if you are energy is everything and everything is energy, and if you are around people who are doggy downers instead of the puppy uppers in your life, before long you're going to start to have a negative outlook on life. And so that's important in support groups.
And actually I'm not in a support group for crps. I found that I was in one and it was so much about just the pain instead of the solution. I want to talk about solutions. I want to talk about what we can do. I want to talk about, like, how do you shift your mindset to a more positive one with affirmations and listening to positive podcasts like yours. And so that's why I think it's so key to start with your mindset, reading whatever you can, surrounding yourself with positive things on the Internet, through social media, in support groups, and in real life. And can I just say Something really quick, Dr. Abachi?
I had never been to any doctor's clinic, rehab, and I've been to a lot of them like yours.
The energy that you and your people, it's beautiful. It's so positive. You can feel the love. It doesn't feel like you walk in and it feels like pain.
You walk in and you feel hope. And so I just had to say that because it was one of the things I loved the most about being around your community. There were people in pain.
But you know what? There was so much love and so much optimism and so much hope that that's what filled the room.
[00:23:26] Speaker B: Thank you. Hey, did I ever tell you that Dr. Wiss was one of my orthopedic attendings when I was a medical student?
[00:23:34] Speaker A: No.
[00:23:35] Speaker B: I did a rotate orthopedic rotation as a third year medical student. And I remember working in the clinic and this is like a LA county clinic at usc and you have to.
[00:23:47] Speaker A: See like, because he was at USC.
[00:23:49] Speaker B: For a long time, you'd see like 30 patients in a day and you'd have to go through all their X rays and casts and take the cast on Put it off, you know, one after another, and I have to present, you know, each patient. And then he would walk in the room and, you know, give the official sign off. And I remember one day, he looks around, he looks at me, and he goes, you know, you'll probably be a good hematologist someday.
It was.
It was funny.
[00:24:16] Speaker A: That's what he said.
[00:24:17] Speaker B: He has. He has, I think, a dry sense of humor. It was.
[00:24:20] Speaker A: Yeah, I.
I love him. You know, he retired.
[00:24:26] Speaker B: I would. I would think he's probably at that place.
[00:24:29] Speaker A: Yeah, I. He loves fishing. And I used to tell him. I was like. When I was still in surgeries, I was like. And he was talking about retiring, like, we got to be really close, and I. I'm. He's in my book, and actually, I'm in his book, but I would go for an appointment, and we would sit and talk, and I. I said to him one day, I said, Dr. Wiss, if you retire, I will go find you out on that pond fishing. I will find you when I need a surgery. So.
And he was the first person to read my first book.
[00:25:00] Speaker B: That's amazing. I want to talk about a little bit with the second book, and, you know, the title is. Is Joy, you know, through the Journey.
And I've been really interested in the whole topic of joy for a number of years now, and making that a part of the commitment that I make, you know, with my professional life, with patience, and making sure I'm helping them with that, and then also in my personal life, you know, and trying to be a conduit of that. But I was wondering, you know, it's unlike depression or optimism or anxiety or, you know, so many different things in medicine and psychology, we can define it well, and we have tests for it. We can test it. Right. But joy is. Is not quite something that we test for.
I'm wondering if you could define kind of how you see joy and maybe how it. Has it changed or evolved since you've gone through the journey that you've gone through?
[00:25:59] Speaker A: Yeah, well, you know, it's. Thank you. That's such a great question. I mean, I always felt like I was a pretty joyful person. And I don't know how, but when I look back, I think about, you know, most of us don't have easy childhoods. I certainly didn't. We didn't have a lot of money. My parents got divorced. They remarried. My stepfather sexually abused me.
And there was something within me. Maybe it's. God, I didn't know at the time, but that I knew to go search and, like, fill up my soul with joy. Like, we all have joy within us, and I think sometimes it's the light within us and it gets a little dim and we have to find ways to make sure that it's lit up bright.
And as a kid, when I look back, I looked at what brought me joy, and I knew some, for some reason, it was being out in nature, it was dancing, it was music. And then it did lead to joy was what I kind of thought was joy was, I'm going to be the best student I can be. I'm going to get all straight A's, have AP classes, honor classes, be the choreographer for the drill team, acapella for the cheerleaders, work for jobs. I then became a little bit too much. I became a bit of an overachiever. And so there's a fine line in going, okay, what makes me feel good and what is truly joy.
And I remember later in life, after my accident, I had my therapist say, well, Amberly, there's a guy that I treated, he had a motorcycle accident similar to yours. Do you think you he could come in, he wants to meet you. And I said, yeah, bring him in. I want to meet him.
So I had just been able to be total weight bearing. It had been months since I had been able to even stand on my leg and I could barely walk and my leg was almost straight stuck still.
And I get there, he's at the physical therapy facility, and I'm like, watch this. And I've got the biggest smile on my face. And I walk like this victory lap around the physical therapy place. And the guy looks at my therapist and he goes, what is wrong with her?
Why is she so happy? Does she not realize how bad bad this is?
And I was like, I was so focused on the good in surrounding myself and being the best joy sparker I could be because I would walk into that facility and man, it was like victim mentality. People were in pain. People were just making excuses. They didn't want to be there, they didn't have hope. And I made it a point. I'm going to walk in.
I am going to spark joy by smiling at people, by connecting with them, by genuinely asking them, how you doing? Tell me something good.
And so I realized, even going through surgeries just by focusing on the good, what I surrounded myself with as far as like music, sunshine, moving my body, however, I could sparked more joy. I think that sometimes people feel stuck.
They feel stuck in their pain. I know I have been there, literally Stuck in a hospital bed. Bed. Bound for months and months and months, and then in and out of a hospital bed through so many surgeries.
But you know what I did is I thought, I'm going to do everything I can to spark joy.
So I had one of my friends from the gym bring me some dumbbells. They weren't heavy dumbbells. They were light dumbbells. I still have them actually in my closet over here. And I think that he stole them from the gym, to be honest with you. But I did bicep curls, shoulder presses. Because moving my body moved my mood. It made me feel like I was moving in the right direction.
I focused on reaching out to people. If you want to have joy, it's so much about connection. I think that if you want to be resilient, it's so mad about so much about community and connection. I feel like success is built on relationships.
And so doing these things, that joy started to come back more and more in my life. But sometimes you have to pause and ask yourself, well, what is it that really lights you up? What is it that brings joy to you? Because you know what? I'm to the point in life where if it doesn't bring me joy, then I. And I do hard things. Not that I don't do hard things, but I really only want to be around people that when I'm with them, I feel joy. I only want to do things that bring me joy. And if it doesn't, I have to stop and pause and go, okay, what's going on? I mean, I just asked myself this question. I'm changing so much about my business next year.
And so I think it's important to stop. And whatever brings you joy, it could be something a little different from me, but I think moving my body, listening to music, it might be dancing however you can. It's reaching out and being of service to someone else.
I'll give you an example. Like when we first moved back to Texas, my daughter and I, we had been moving boxes. We were exhausted, we were hungry. We didn't realize that in this town you can't find everything shut down down. Like, it's kind of a small town and there are no restaurants open. The only restaurant we found that was open, we didn't have any groceries yet, was a water burger. Water burger's huge here in Texas. And so we pulled up the water burger, and I don't know why, but we. I bought our burgers. We. I said, you know what? I'd like to pay for the fella behind us, whoever it is, I want to pay it forward and pay for their meal.
And I kind of just did that.
It made me feel good.
Pull over. This guy pulls up next to us and I'd kind of already. I was so into my burger. I had already forgotten that I'd paid for the person behind me. The guy pulls up beside me, rolls his window down, and I was like, oh, hi. And he goes.
He had tears in his eyes. He's like, thank you so much for that. I had a really hard day and you just made it all better with a burger like you can. It's so easy. That brought me joy. That shifted my day. Something as simple as that. So there are ways to spark joy, but it starts by taking a pause and asking yourself, what brings you joy?
[00:32:55] Speaker C: I think that's a perfect illustration of the joy that you bring to others and sharing your story and being an inspiration. And I'm curious, at what point did you decide that you wanted to help others as a speaker, as an author, as an educator? You wear so many hats. And I'm kind of curious about that journey and how you pass along that joy.
[00:33:18] Speaker A: Oh, well, thank you. You know, I started speaking actually at recovery meetings. So this nerve crazy CRPS situation, I don't even like to call it my pain. I say the pain. When I tried every kind of treatment and nothing was working, I started drinking to try to self medicate and numb out the pain. And I remember thinking, well, this is not the healthiest thing to do, but if this is what I have to do, drink a glass of wine every day to help with the pain, then I guess I'll have to do it. Well, one led to two, led to three led to a whole bottle. It became this vicious cycle where I would drink and it would numb it out and it would come back the pain. You know, alcohol, sugar is an inflammatory and it would come back with a vengeance.
And by the grace of God, I got sober in 2016 and I started being asked to speak at meetings. I remember I was three months sober and somebody asked me to speak at a big meeting. And I guess apparently at this meeting, most people have years of sobriety to speak at this meeting. So when I said my name and I had three months of sobriety, you could hear people in the audience go, like, who? Why is she here? She shouldn't be speaking to us.
But I started sharing and then I started getting asked to speak at Betty Ford and rehabs, then doctor's clinics, and actually thank Dr. Abachi. It was one of my first times to ever speak when I came to your clinic. And I remember being so nervous. I think I even did a video because I asked, so how long do you want me to speak? And you're like, oh, a couple of hours.
And I went in the bathroom and I was like, a couple of hours. I was so nervous when I did that.
So, you know what happened is I had no idea what I was doing.
I still am trying to figure it out, but I had written my first book and the publisher said, we don't do any marketing or branding. That's going to be up to you. And I was like, holy cow, what do I do? And. And I was like, well, I guess I got to try to figure out this social media thing. So I had one year until my first book came out. So I just thought, well, I'm going to post value every single day.
Both post like the obstacle and the solution and the benefit and just give as many free downloadable assets on social media as I could.
And there was a TEDx curator that was following me on Instagram. I had no idea she was a TedX curator. And I got a DM on Instagram. And by the way, I had my family and some people saying, what are you doing on social media? That's ridiculous. And I was like, no, I have a plan. This is a business strategy for me. I want to meet people at my book signings and I want to connect, like genuine connections through social media.
And so this TEDx curator sent me a DM. I was like, this can't be real.
Left me her email. I emailed her. Lo and behold, it was real and it was a huge TEDx. They wanted me to speak at the 10th anniversary TEDx Berkeley, which is the most one of the most prestigious TEDx stages. It is the most beautiful theater I've ever spoken at. I was so intimidated. And I remember getting on a call with her and I was like, well, you know, I'm not trying to promote my book or anything, but is there any way, like everybody has initials behind their names except me? Can we at least put like author or something behind my name? And she goes, are you feeling and self conscious or intimidated? And I was like, yeah, I sure am. I'm scared to death. And she goes, I said, everybody else is a doctor except for me. And she said, amberly, you have a PhD in heart and that's why we want you on our stage.
So the TEDx stage in front of like 3,000 people was my very first talk that I'd ever Done on stage like that. And from that, I mean, to feel the audience. I remember at one point, I was. I had never done anything like that. And I had slides up and to feel their reaction. And then one point, they laughed. I was like, oh, wow. They thought that was funny. Like, you can feel the energy.
I was like, wow. And not just that. It was the connection that I felt with the audience and how people came up and talked to me and told me their stories afterwards, I was hooked. I was like, I. I want to do this because I love connecting with people. And if I can give one person hope or inspiration to keep going, that even despite their challenges or pain or struggles, that they can have the life they've always imagined.
I'm all in. And so from that, I got asked to speak at another event, and from that event, got asked to speak at another one.
And then I was like, wow.
I got into speaking not because I wanted. I was like, I want to make money as a speaker. I got into it because I wanted to make a positive impact. And then my husband was very happy when I got my first check. And he's like, you mean they're paying you to go to their event? I'm like, yeah, they. Can you believe it? They actually are. And so I love that I get to speak, But I have to say, I still sometimes pinch myself at the opportunities that I get. In fact, this morning, I had somebody that I met at an event, she texted me a picture, and I'm on stage in a butterfly suit. Like, I'm wearing a suit that is just all butterflies on it. It was my backup.
I took a totally different outfit to speak at this engagement. It was for the Catholic Church, for a men's fraternity in the Catholic Church. It used to be all men that would go to this event. I was the first female keynote speaker and the first keynote speaker that they had ever had that was a female, and I show up to speak in a butterfly suit. Well, you know what? It.
Everything happens for a reason.
And that day, one of the. The MC had brought a jar of flowers he picked out of his garden.
He walks in, and I'm walking in at the same time, and he goes, oh, my goodness. He goes, I brought this to tell a story of butterflies, and you're wearing a butterfly suit. And so it all worked out, but it's like I'm just learning as I go. And the best part of this entire journey has been the connections I've made along the way. And that's why I continue to share my message.
Because of the connections and the impact and the stories that I'm told of people that went back to school because they heard my story or they wrote their book because they heard my story. So that's how it kind of all got started. And I still pinch myself that I get to speak at certain events or every event.
[00:40:36] Speaker B: So are you saying that practicing your speech in my clinic is what sets you up for the TEDx world? Is that exactly?
No, that was.
[00:40:47] Speaker A: Do you remember when I flew out to your place? So LA was on fire. We had evacuated our barn.
[00:40:54] Speaker B: I didn't think you were going to come.
[00:40:56] Speaker A: And I was in the hotel room and there my husband's saying, yeah, I think now we're going to have to evacuate our house too.
And. And I get to your clinic, you're like, I didn't think you were going to come. I'm like, oh, no, my house might be burning down, but I told you I would be here and I'm here.
That was a crazy time.
[00:41:16] Speaker B: I remember that clearly.
I was wondering if we could shift into forgiveness a little bit.
I know you talk about it in your book and it seemed to have an important role because, you know, you had before the traumatic motorcycle accident, you already had kind of gone through some traumatic events in your life, in your childhood, and how did you, how did you forgive? How did you do it?
[00:41:43] Speaker A: Well, it's interesting because I remember being in the hospital after my accident and my husband was very angry, I mean, so angry at the man who hit me. And I wasn't.
I really, I wasn't angry. I didn't have time to focus. I didn't have time to think about anger or focus on being mad at him.
It is, it, it's. What's done is done. All I focused on was, how am I going to get through the day? I've got this 1% chance of saving my leg. I need to do everything I can mentally, spiritually, physically, to be as strong and resilient as I can for today. And I took it one day at a time.
And so how I forgave him really is.
I thought about.
I had compassion for him. For if I hit somebody and caused that much, you know, somebody to go in a coma and have all these surgeries, how I would feel, I would just feel horrible. I would have so much sadness, grief just for that, you know, And I. So I gave him compassion on how he must feel. Well, I hoped that maybe he would have a little bit of remorse about it. He never reached out to me.
[00:43:17] Speaker B: Put yourself into his shoes a little bit. And that helped.
[00:43:21] Speaker A: Yeah, I did.
Then. Speaking of forgiveness, like, I got. I was in a.
Probably, I would say one of the hardest things, even more so in some ways than my motorcycle accident was a horrible divorce I went through with my oldest daughter's dad. We were only married a year and oh my goodness, it was hard. I won't say much more than it was really hard. And I remember my sponsor, my sponsor, when I'm going through the 12 steps, we really. It's a lot. I think the 12 step program is. Would be incredible for anybody, even without, you know, if you don't have to be an alcoholic just to be a good person for better communication, to heal and forgive.
Because I remember going through the 12 steps and talking to her and she's like, yeah, you need to pray. Pray for your ex husband. I'm like, pray for him? Are you kidding me? What?
And she goes, just pray for him. Even if you don't believe it, even if it's not easy, pray for him. And you know what? Every day I prayed for him and I. It just.
That led to forgiveness, that led to freedom.
When you forgive, it's freedom.
And so I have, I think that I've done so much deep work with therapists with my sponsor, with the program.
I still continue to do. I work with a coach. I think that it's important to not do it alone. Like, you know what? I, I'm a coach and I have a coach.
I have a mastermind and I'm involved. I'm also a part of another mastermind. I've got a therapist and I have people who. I'm their therapist, which is scary.
But I think you don't need to do it alone. Ask for help to get through those situations, to help you forgive. But man, forgiveness is possible and it is the gift that you give yourself so someone doesn't get free rent in your head.
[00:45:29] Speaker C: And it's, you know, sometimes easier said than done. It can be a bit of a process and a challenge. And so, you know, I applaud you for doing the work and encouraging others to do it.
And I'm curious if there was anything else that you've had to let go in your life to help you move forward.
And if there have been any regrets or things you wish you would have done a little differently, perhaps.
[00:45:51] Speaker A: Well, yeah, you know, I had to learn that resilience isn't about bouncing back.
It's about choosing to move forward with joy and have the life you've always imagined. Even if things don't go as planned. Because I was so caught up in fixing what I felt was broken and getting back to going to training. And I tried that, and it didn't work.
Sometimes instead of focusing on so much about, let me fix that, let me go back to that. But if you just go, well, I stopped, actually. And I thought the questions I asked myself were, what brings me joy?
What can I do? And I thought, well, I may not be able to be on my feet all day training clients the way that I used to. I may not be able to run the way that I used to. Instead of focusing on all the things that I can't do and wishing things were different and people would say, would you take it all back? I don't even think that way because I can't focus on, well, if things were different. And I wish that I. You know, I wish things were back like the good old days that drove me into a depression.
Instead, I think of, well, what can I do? Well, what can I do with what's left? Well, I thought, what brings me joy? Working with people brings me joy. Getting to work with clients now and helping them share their message is so fulfilling. When I have somebody, I have one of my clients, actually. I'm interviewing her today for my podcast. She's dealt with both parents who've committed suicide. She was diagnosed with crps, and she came to me, and she has transformed. Like, she's posting on social media. She just wrote a book.
Her book is called the Rise Back.
Being able to help others and be of service to others and their success, that is rare. Fulfillment really is. And so I think, you know, one thing that I had to let go of was having the life that I had before, because nothing will be the same. My relationships won't be the same. The way I do, everything is totally different.
Plan everything out is totally different. And so I think that focusing on resilience, moving forward and what you can do is what I've. I've really had to, you know, embrace and let go of, of the life that I was and the person that I was and think about who I am is not defined about what I do.
[00:48:40] Speaker B: You know, you talk about finding your joy. A lot of it is through connection. And you talk and write a lot about the importance of that, which Sarah and I are all in on, that we see that as a real missing ingredient in the lives of a lot of our patients. What advice do you have for those listening who feel isolated, kind of feel alone, and what they're dealing with, their pain Their trauma.
How do you get out there? How do you make connections when you're having. When you're not. When you don't wanna. Right. When you don't feel good? How do you do that?
[00:49:16] Speaker A: Yeah, I get that. And I know how much courage and how much energy it takes to do that. Because now when I am just.
My husband says, you're crashing. That's what he calls it. You're. You're crashing. You come home from an event, and people don't see. They see you on stage, smiling and dancing, and you come home, they don't see you laying on the couch in so much pain. And in those moments, the last thing I want to do is reach out. The last thing I want to do is make a phone call. The last thing I want to do is even look at my phone.
But I learned the hard way, because there was a time when I completely isolated, and that's when my addiction became just so. Took over. Took over my life.
And I think connection is the opposite of addiction. And when I was at my lowest point in severe pain, drinking every day, I remember thinking, I can't believe I have survived this horrific accident.
34 surgeries, only to slowly be killing myself. I felt so dead inside. And I. At that point, I got on my knees and I prayed, and I asked God for help. That gave me the little bit of courage, just that little nudge, that little push, that courage to reach out for help.
And I actually called a former client of mine who I knew was sober, and I said, hey, I think I got a problem. I need help. And she goes, I'll get you to a meeting.
I didn't hear from her for a week. And I don't share that.
To say that she didn't help me. And, no, I share that because just because somebody doesn't help you doesn't mean they don't want to. Maybe they've got stuff going on in their life that doesn't mean that you don't still go help yourself.
So I got. I googled programs. I was like, I need help now. I found a meeting where my husband was at work, my kids were at school, and I was now sneaking. Going to recovery meetings when I used to be sneak and drinking and walking into that room. So I know if you're struggling and it's hard to ask for help, that was scarier than any surgery I have ever been through. The shame.
Walking into that room, admitting that I had a problem, that I needed help.
Like, the vulnerability of that was so scary. But I realized that. That your vulnerability is your strength. Your vulnerability can be your superpower. And I had a friend of mine say, you know what, Amberly, you can be vulnerable and still be fierce.
So admitting that you need help doesn't make you less than. It actually strengthens your community and builds that genuine connection with whoever you're reaching out, reaching out to. And people want to help.
And I just know that when I have shared that I am struggling with something similar.
When you can relate to that person on a deeper level, it builds a deeper relationship. And so start by asking for help with someone that you trust.
If that doesn't work, there are so many places nowadays, especially online, that you can connect with somebody. I just got off the phone yesterday with two people that I actually met through Instagram that both of them were diagnosed with crps.
We. I became really good friends with one of the friends. Her name's Kelly. She lives in California, and she became my hiking buddy. And we still. We've gone to a CRPS conference together. My other friend, I have still not met in person.
We met on Instagram. He was diagnosed with crps. He's been on my podcast.
I recently had another trial. Spinal stimulator.
Spinal cord stimulator. He was my support system throughout that. To tell me what to ask for from the doctor and all these things. There are people out there that are good, that want to help. There are doctors out there like y', all, who are genuinely like, they want to. They care about the person.
And so you just have to find your tribe, love them hard, pour into them as much as they're pouring into you.
And.
And don't be afraid to ask for help. Shoot. Reach out to me. I respond to my DMs on Instagram. I want to hear from you. It's me responding to all the DMs, so sometimes it takes me a little more time to respond. But I will respond back to you. So just let me know at Amberly lagomotivation, and I'm happy to reach out you to. To you. We can connect and you don't have to do it alone.
[00:54:17] Speaker C: I know so many of our listeners, and definitely I'll speak for myself. Would love to know what closing words of wisdom do you have for those that are, you know, living in pain every day and whether it be, you know, physical pain, psychological pain, trauma, whatever it might be, or a combination, what words of wisdom do you have for them?
[00:54:39] Speaker A: Well, first and foremost, don't do it alone. Like, I used to think I had to do it alone. It was hard for me to ask for help.
And asking for help not only changed my life, I believe it saved my life. And so don't do it alone. There are people out there, like, I felt like nobody's going to understand. Like, they do not understand the pain that I live with. Every day there's somebody out there that is going through something so similar, if not the same. So reach out for help. Don't do it alone.
And I would say also the thing that helps me. And you can go on my website, you can go on Instagram. It's in my bio on Instagram. It's actually in my book, Joy through the Journey. The PACER methodology, it's something that I use every day. So if you're in pain, if you're sad, if you're feeling like throwing in the towel, like this is just all too hard or you're anxious, I use the PACER methodology every single day to get me through those hard times. And PACER stands for Perspective, Acceptance, Community, Endurance, and Rest. I had to add the R on because that was the hardest thing for me to learn. But we've talked about a lot of these things. But perspective. I'll remind you that the quickest and easiest way to shift your perspective is with gratitude.
So if you don't practice gratitude already, there's something very cathartic about actually thinking about it. Yes, but writing it down.
But I share it. I have a group of ladies, we call ourselves the God Squad. I share that gratitude with them. And so it's a practice and get really deep. Not just, oh, the sky is blue, but like, really, what is one thing that you are so present in the moment that you can see how grateful and blessed you are to have these things and it will shift your perspective. Being in acceptance. A good question to ask is, how's that working for you? Is it helping you or hurting you?
And you know, we are only.
Our impact is only as strong as we are healthy.
So making decisions to better your health, mentally, spiritually, physically, every day. And the only way you can do that is being by being radically honest with yourself and asking yourself, is that really helping you or is it hurting you? And when you're radically honest and you can really be rooted in your truth, it allows you to connect with the right community, which is the next part of pacer. The community that you have at your place is beautiful. The. The ongoing support that you allow. But. But really, if this goes for not just the people in your life, but the people that you're following on INSTAGRAM the people, the support groups that you may be in. Does it bring you up or does it bring you down? Surround yourself with optimistic, passionate people and you can search those out in your life. But also on social media, everything that you listen to is going to lift you up or bring you down. Everything you watch, everything that you read. So be very, very pay close attention to those things and the in your community and in your circle of friends, your inner circle, especially, because it takes endurance. That's the next part of pacer, and that's where your passion and your perseverance come into play. It's so important to get through hard times, to have something that you of purpose. Now people say, well, I don't know, my purpose. Your purpose can be making your garden beautiful.
It can be going out there and pulling the weeds. And look at what you did today. It can be that you call one person a day to tell them that you're grateful for them. It can be starting a support group for people in pain. That's going to be a positive place for people to connect. So, but whatever that is, when you know your why, it can get you through any how. And the last part of PACER is rest. And I think that if you really want to be resilient, you have to strategically stop sometimes and plan times to rest and refuel. Recovery is so important, especially when you are battling pain every single day. That can suck the life out of you. Plan times to soak in the sun, to do a meditation. And you know what? It's so much about soul care. Not just self care with the rest, but soul care. Do things that are going to nourish your soul.
So it's all about resting mentally, physically, spiritually. If you need to stare at a wall, stare at a wall, but do things to recharge your body, your mind, your spirit.
[00:59:18] Speaker C: Beautifully said.
[00:59:20] Speaker B: I always say we, we heal together. We don't heal alone. And so much of what you said resonates with that.
And just want to remind everybody this is a great book because this is so authentic and you were, you were so authentic with us today and we really appreciate that.
[00:59:43] Speaker C: So for our listeners, how can they get a hold of you and where can they find the book and tell us everything? Well, we're not ready to let you go. We have some attachment issues. Tell us, tell us how we can find you.
[00:59:55] Speaker A: What an honor, y'. All. I am so honored to get to be on your show and get this time with you. I thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
You can find
[email protected] you can find all my upcoming events, my book, my podcast, my courses. Oh, and some freebies you can get right on the website. And if you want to see some of the behind the scenes shenanigans, you can go on Instagram at Amberly Lagomotivation and see my cute little pup nugget, my daughter and all her shenanigans. And the just her big old F150 truck with a lift and a cow hood.
[01:00:34] Speaker B: She's a grown lady now. I tell you.
[01:00:37] Speaker A: She's taller than me. I think she's 511 now. I'm 510 and I'm. She makes me stand taller than me too.
Makes me stand up taller. But she is thriving here in Texas and I'm so proud of her. And y', all, I have to tell you, I don't know if you knew, Dr. Bocci, that my oldest daughter Savannah is a doctor. She's just like I remember she was going through.
[01:01:03] Speaker B: Yeah, I remember she was in school last time we talked about that. So.
[01:01:07] Speaker A: Yep, almost done. Still in school.
[01:01:09] Speaker C: That's amazing.
[01:01:10] Speaker B: Congratulations.
[01:01:12] Speaker A: Thank you. I'm proud. I'm a proud mama.
[01:01:15] Speaker C: Don't forget to go pick up your copy.
Fantastic book. And learn more about the PACER method and and hear more about your story.
Thank you so much for joining us today.
We loved having you and we appreciate everybody who's tuned in on the comeback with Boomerang Healthcare. We're grateful to you here if you've enjoyed today's episode. Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an update. You can always follow us on social media for more tips, information and inspiration. Until next time, keep moving forward. Your comeback is just getting started.
